Single...Not Quite Yet Ready To Mingle

December 5, 2016

Me and my best friend went out to dinner on Tuesday, and we had talked the day before about dating. Both she and I are "old-school" girls - we want to know we're loved, before we jump into bed with someone or start a relationship with unknowns facing us.  I know, I know, it's an old-fashioned notion.  But it works for us, because it keeps us both from making stupid choices, and allowing men into our hearts and lives that just shouldn't be there.  We've both been burned by men, and while, not bitter, we're choosing to become better.

We have both decided that until some things clear up for us in our respective living situations (and probably after that has been rectified), we're single, not quite ready to mingle.

We meet men, they like us, sometimes they wanna spend time with us, and then, of course, the obvious question: "so, when we gon do this?"

Ummmm, how about a year/year and a half from now?

<tires squealing away>

Sigh.  Not surprised. Moving on....

Since when is it a crime to say, I wanna wait?  I wanna wait to see who you TRULY are, not the well-dressed representative you put forward for the first 6 months!  I wanna see how you handle yourself with money, anger, family, friends, GOD, job, etc.  Are you consistent? Do you have the incessant need to be right ALL the time? Do you know how to have good, clean, FUN, or does alcohol have to play a role in your fun & games? Can you handle little kids? Grown kids? Parents?
What do you OWN?

Yep, and with that comes reciprocity: do I have a grasp on all of that yet?  Are there areas that I KNOW I need to work on?  If your answer is yes... have SEVERAL seats, and take a break. Until you are ready, he will NEVER be.

Hard lesson, but it was learned.

So, this goes out to my work-in-progress sisters, take the time to get yourselves ready.  Travel. Save money. Dine alone.  Hang with your girls. Spend time making kids laugh. Take some cooking classes. Manage your time and energy wisely. Don't be on the prowl, chill out and learn how to have fun. If a man does approach me with the intent of dating:  be his friend ONLY. Have it be EXACTLY that: he is my friend, nothing more, nothing less.  He gets the same treatment as my girlfriends: no holds barred, straight, no chaser.

Fellas - learn how to get past the pretty face: how is her heart? She may not be in the BEST shape, but is she taking care of others OTHER than herself? Do you know her?  What is her PASSION? Talk to her. Does she have goals?  Has she told you of others' mistreatment of her? Don't repeat the cycle.

All in all... if you can't be happy alone, don't drag someone else into your misery.

IJS.